From Christmas crackers:-

What do you get when you cross a parrot with a crocodile?  -  I don’t know but if it asks for a biscuit give it one!

Why did the hedgehog cross the road?     -   To see his flatmate!

What do you call a monkey in a minefield?  -  a baboom!

Famous quotes......... well, not that famous!

‘A virgin forest is a place where the hand of man has never set foot.’

‘It is bad manners to break your bread and roll in your soup.’

‘During the years 1995 – 2000, there were domestic problems at home as well as abroad.’

And a short verse from memory  -  author unknown.

Feed meat to the terrapin

And you’ll soon have him cherrapin’

But feed it to the tortoise

And you induces rigor mortoise.